Those Danged Consequences Coming Around the Corner
At the risk of sounding like an overbearing mother figure, there are always consequences for your decisions and actions. The repercussions may be emotional, financial, physical, spiritual, or something else entirely. The backlash (aka consequences) I mentioned in Finding Your Inner Warrior and Light Her Fire, is something you will always have to face when living your truth. Sometimes the backlash makes you stronger, or even frustrated. But, surprisingly, sometimes those consequences manifest as freedom and lifted burdens, helping you flame your warrior’s fire.
When you decide to ignore your desires or needs and give in to pressure to do or not do something, the repercussions can be painful. Haven’t we all gone to hang out with friends and been pressured into doing or not doing something? Have a drink! Have a cookie! Wear this! Do that! It can be exhausting and overwhelming. Recently, I was repeatedly pushed to “go buy a beverage” (not any particular kind, just a “we have beverages, so should you, too” type of push). Despite not wanting a beverage (of any kind), guess who eventually gave in to the pressure? That’s right my fellow FUs, me. The drink I purchased was awful. Since when does a chai latte have that much syrup in it? So, to save my stomach the pain it would inevitably suffer if I drank that sweet swill, I threw away my $6 and sat without a drink until it was time to excuse myself and head home.
The upside to this was that no one else pushed me to get a drink for the remainder of the evening. The downside, however, was that I was out $6, AND, I felt weak. I felt like I had only disappointed myself by not setting a boundary for myself and saying “no.” Think about where you are saying “yes” instead of “no” to your own detriment and how it impacted you. Even these kinds of seemingly minor decisions can erode your confidence and happiness. Instead of saying “yes” to everything, focus on making yourself comfortable and happy, and let other people do the same for themselves. Sometimes this will require a “no.” Boundaries like “no” make other people uncomfortable, but the ones who understand will stick around. If your gut is telling you to do or not do something, follow it. Your special instincts will guide you to what’s right for YOU.
In contrast, you may be thinking: Wait a minute, though, wouldn’t following your instincts with reckless abandon get you all kinds of negative consequences? Perhaps. But, maybe, just maybe, you’re living so much in fear of negative consequences that you miss out on the positive ones.
Let me share a surprising story with you. For context, I have always had a rocky, sometimes volatile, relationship with the man in this next example. I spent the last twenty years walking on eggshells to keep the semblance of a relationship we have in tact, despite the emotional toll. But something broke free within me one morning, and I let out the beautiful dragon within who was not meant to be meek and quiet for so long. She blossomed forth with a strength and power I had not felt in years when he emailed me with a goading remark about the election results. Suddenly, I realized I didn’t have to stay quiet to keep the peace. I stood up for myself and responded with the anger, hurt, and raw emotion I WANTED to respond with in order to fully express myself. I did it for me, be damned the consequences! It felt like flying, and I wouldn’t trade that feeling for the world, not even for what happened next.
He proceeded to use the smidgeon of power he had left over me and took the relationship away entirely. He refused to speak to me for our regular weekly call. He was scared of the power he saw in me, so he hid. This was what I had feared for so long, and yet, my whole body responded with a sense of calm, relief, joy, and relaxation. The game was over. I no longer had to pretend with him. I am exactly who I am, and I love myself. I can and will share my feelings if I want to, and I will stick up for myself no matter what. And that right there, that is the reason to be exactly who you are. You are a human, and your feelings are valid. Don’t hide from them, and don’t listen to people telling you to control them. Be who you are, and see what blossoms for you – it might be a unicorn, a dragon, or a butterfly. What matters is that THAT special part of you gets to be free, beautiful, and loved. Have you set a boundary lately or expressed yourself fully? Tell me how it went!
